What’s For Us?

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Where did it
All go wrong
Different lives
Worlds apart
Crazy minds
Tired hearts
Tainted love
From the start.

Was it when someone said
70,000 Euros that’s great.
70,000 Euro
What the f***
No way girl,
It must be love.

Love indeed
I heard him say
“I love you,
The only one
Forever
And a day”.

No, not to her
The wife to be
To another one
She spent 3 lakh
On Jewellery!

… Back to me …

A mindset bent
With twisted lies,
She’s no good
What’s she given you?

What she gave:
A heart
That’s true
A boy so pure
It’s cruel.

What you gave
A life of hate
Of control
Of contempt
Of anger of grief
Of insipid greed
(for 100 rupees & cigarettes;
– that may be harsh
– But, bottom line is,
– it’s true.)
A boy so pure
Thank you.

I thank you
From the soul
From the heart
I will thank you
Every day.
A life with him
Of hard work & joy,
What’s for me
I do not know.

What a life
A life alone
A life far from home
Will I find  love
Maybe,
Maybe not,
Never,
Any guarantee.

I have my boy
He’ll leave me too,
One day.
But, part of what
I’ll teach him
Are life lessons
Learnt from you.

Tonight
His misbehaviour
Was his loyalty
“Mom,
I’m protecting you
I have to fight
Else, we’re pissed”
Oh my heart
In broke in two;
My boy
You’re pure and true,
Whilst trying to hide
Tears upon my face.

I want to love
I want give
I want someone
To share, to breathe
I want a friend
A confident
Who’ll love my love
Who’ll love my grief
Who’ll say it’s ok
I want love
Who’ll love me proud
Who’d be proud of me
In the crowd.

I can live a life alone;
7000 km
Away from home
(Or at home)
I can think
What could have been
And think
Oh if
This culture
Wasn’t intense
So extreme
So cut throat
So dogged
So judgemental:

Allow the past
To be remembered
With honest clarity
To give me equal chance
To live again
To be free.

I want a sanctuary
A place for your boy & I to be
A place where we are safe
A place we are loved
No intrinsic hate
A man who’d be proud of us
A man who’d be strong with us
A man to show the right way
With trust protection
Without the hate
A love so strong
It cannot break
A love that would take us
To a place of future of hope
To realise the dream
A future of love and courage
What’s my destiny?

A silent hope
Of what can’t be
The pain it’s etched
in my face
A glimmer of a future
It cannot be,
An Impossible
Destiny

What’s for us
A life alone
What’s for us
Yet a life that’s free
It’s not what I wanted
It’s not what I asked
I tried so hard
To make it true
Now
It will never be.

Now a slither of hope
For another love
That cannot be.

But, my little boy
I love you –
In time
You’ll understand
Why I have done
What I have done
It’s for the best
You’re to young
To understand
But with the things
You say & do
I know
You know it to.

Kam & Mum 2016©

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